5 Month Update: Welcoming Change After A Breakup
Back in February I made a post about how I was handling an unexpected breakup… Well, 5 months, and a lot of soul searching later, I’m here to give you guys a little update on what’s been going on.
At the time of the initial post, I was reeling from the pain of having my life and future plans completely shaken up. The house I shared with my ex-fiancé was suddenly very empty (or it at least seemed that way), and I was faced with having to figure out how to make it a home again (sounds cliche I know, but it’s the cold hard truth). Slowly but surely, I began to realize A LOT.
It all started when the truth came out. If you’ll recall, I was fairly optimistic about the situation in my first post, but I think that was mostly out of denial. I had written that we broke up because “we’re both young” and blah, blah, blah. Well long story short, my ex met a woman online through a video game and eventually tried to get her to leave her wife for him (yes, you read that right). At the time I knew in my heart that something fishy was going on, but couldn’t admit it. One morning I asked him to come over and get the rest of his things from my house, and that’s when he admitted it. In hindsight, hearing the truth was exactly what I needed to cut the cord.
I’ve always been an extremely honest person, and I wear my heart on my sleeve. When it comes to life, and connecting with people, I just don’t see any reason to be fake. I value the relationships in my life, whether they’re a friend, family member, or a significant other. I don’t have time for covering up what I’m feeling. In my mind, being honest with people is always the best route to take.
So that morning, I made a decision to grow some balls (figuratively speaking) and face the reality of the situation. My ex chose to walk out of my life, he chose someone else (stupidly), and that eventually became alright with me. I’ve been realizing a lot in the past 5 months. This whole experience has forced me to perform an emotional overhaul and get myself back on track to becoming who I want to be. I’ve been re-evaluating my boundaries, my career goals, my interests, and the mistakes I’ve made. I’ve been being honest with myself about what my weaknesses are, and I’ve allowed myself to accept that I’m human and sometimes I can be a fool… but that’s OK!
Life is a continuous learning process, and when you accept that sometimes you’re going to be embarrassed, or look foolish, it’s actually very liberating. I’m learning more and more that it’s better to honor your inner-most feelings, rather than worry about what people think of you. I knew some of that stuff before my relationship with my ex, but to be honest his controlling, negative attitude made me forget a lot of it. He was extremely critical (because of his own deep-seated issues he never wanted to address) and I altered my personality to try and appease him. It’s a shame when people project their own issues onto other people, but hey, at least I know better now than to ever let someone affect me like that again.
I’m unapologetically being myself, and it feels great. I’m still a loving, thoughtful person with a little bit of a wild side… and I LOVE it. The pain and the hardship has made me 100x stronger than I ever thought I could be. I’m learning that you have to go out and get what you want in life. I’m trying everyday to be unafraid of my dreams. I’ve started drawing again, painting, and playing the piano and it just feels so right. I’m allowing myself to follow my gut when It comes to my career, and I’ve decided to focus on vehicle wrap design at my current job, and continue pursuing that in the future (I’ve always had a vague interest in Motorsport, and more recently rally racing, and hill climbs, so it makes sense to me to combine my creative side with that interest).
I’ve surprised myself quite a bit in the past 5 months. I’ve only gone through one other breakup in my life, and I definitely did not handle it as well as I’m handling this one. It’s pretty uplifting to see the progress I’ve made in terms of how I handle emotional stress in my life (chalk it up to age, and life experience I guess). My goals haven’t changed much: I still want to get married someday, own a house, get a couple dogs (particularly a dalmatian), have kids, and own a few trucks. If anything, I feel less limited to pursue those dreams now.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have days when I’m bummed out, but I’m embracing them and getting better at pushing through them. It’s ok to throw a pity party for yourself every once in awhile as long as you don’t let it go on too long. I feel like It actually helps my emotional intelligence when I don’t deny what I’m feeling.
I sincerely hope that anyone out there going through a breakup, or dealing with emotional pain will read this and get something out of it. I think it’s important that we as humans share our experience with one another, because it helps us GROW; and growth is the only way I know how to get through life.