Welcoming Change: How I’m Bouncing Back from a Devastating Breakup
Two weeks ago my life got flipped upside down. The future that I thought was in store for me (getting married, buying a house and getting a dog… ) is now suddenly out of reach. You’ll recall in one of my previous posts (Our Wedding Story: Part 1) I gleefully looked forward to marrying the man that I thought was the love of my life, this October. Well, as you probably guessed from the title of this post, that has all changed (hopefully for the best).
Ok, so bare with me because this is going to be tough. The past two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotional acceptance followed by derealization. I honestly never thought our relationship (and engagement) would culminate in something like this; him leaving me 8 months before our trip to the altar… but it did. I can’t lie and tell you I’m using this time to “focus on myself” because while I’m sure that will happen eventually, it’s definitely not happening right now. I’m still pretty heartbroken about it, and there are still moments where I feel like someone punched me in the gut.
The reason he left is simple, he’s young. We’re young. He wants to explore life on his own for a little bit, and I can’t blame him (seeing as he’s only ever lived with me or his parents). I guess I would be questioning if marriage was the right choice for me to if I’d never known anything different. It truly came as a shock because I thought Lucas and I were always on the same page (at least it seemed that way). Luckily we’re still friends -and I don’t mean that weird kind of friendship that hangs around for awhile like an unwanted house guest until you both move on – and he’s been good about checking in on me from time to time, which oddly enough has kind of helped ease my worries. If there’s one happy thing about this, it’s that we still both care deeply about each other… but I guess sometimes you find yourself when you’re with someone, and sometimes you do it alone.
My life is now a party of one, instead of two… and I’m reeling from the devastation, but things are improving. Although my ego is bruised, and I’m slightly embarrassed, I’m not giving up on life, or my hope for a brighter future. I’m slowly getting back in to some of my hobbies that were put on the back burner, like the DIY pallet projects I’ve been meaning to start foreverrrrr. One thing that has really helped me is developing new daily routines. Getting over the shock of suddenly living in a house that’s full of things, but feels so empty, was hard. Some days I had to force myself to get out of bed just to eat, but it’s about baby steps. It’ll get easier every day.
So far I’ve tried some new recipes, done a bit of reorganizing around the house, and even got pre-approved for a mortgage! I’m taking things one day at a time. Adjusting to my new single life will take time but I can already tell I’m going to be just fine. So cheers to the future! Oh, and hey 2018, is that all you’ve got?!